Red Skelton has shared his humor with us for decades. He has done so without> 
four-letter words and raunchy antics. Throughout his career, he gained the> 
respect of his fellow performers and audiences alike, and has always been> 
considered a top entertainer in his field. As we deal with our myriad of> day-
to-day problems, a little levity is a welcome respite in today's world. 

Below are Mr. Skelton's tips for a happy marriage. 

1. Two times a week, we go to nice restaurant, have a little beverage,then> 
comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 
2. We also sleep in separate beds, Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I> 
haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and an electric bread> maker. 
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I 
bought her an electric chair. 
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in> the 
carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake." 
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 
9. She ran after the garbage truck yelling, " Am I to late for the garbage?" 
The driver said, "No, jump in." 
10. Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 
11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage. 
12. I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always. 
13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 
14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I 
said, "Dust."